another journal entry that is long long overdue =]

my topic today is love because i am observant and occasionally i have a heart and today is one of the times where i think i understand something. and so that this sudden understanding doesnt escape me i shall write it down and explain it in the way that i see it.

I hated love once, because lets be honest it makes you feel completely ridiculous and stupid and it makes you hate yourself. but then you think about love and its like 'what the fuck am i feeling so shit about?'. so here what im thinking: love doesnt have to be shit, love is whatever you make it and if you turn it into some hideous out of focus and out of proportion thing then that is what it will be. Let love be what it is, let it creep up on you and attack you from every angle. dont prepare for it. dont force yourself into it. just be you because when you think you're in love then you feel like you cant live without someone and it makes them crappy and wierd around you because the majority of the time they CAN tell. Love isnt being in love, thats finding someone you connect with i guess. but just a connection isnt enough. and if for instance someone dies before you get a chance to tell them everything you ever wanted to then dont convince yourself that you are in love with them because if you couldnt tell them then it was the wrong kind of love. im not in love. its like trying to pick your favourite sweet in a sweet shop, theres too much to choose from so logically you buy every sweet you like and make like the ULTIMATE candy treat, but trust me once its made then youll find out it already existed but it just wasnt as perfect as you expected it to be so you overlooked it, but hell yeh it still tastes good. either way; i walked into that candy store and picked my favourite sweets instead of the ones that everyone else was picking and whether i chose a krystal-cake or a madmads-delight it doesnt matter because they taste the same so i love them equally but trust me... i won't be sharing. pick'n'mix rules.

oh trust me to convert love into candy.